I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
