I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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