Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize