Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
