No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
