We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
