Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
