i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
