He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
