if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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