Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize