you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Your penis caused this!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
