meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
