omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize