you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize