Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
