I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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