I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
