Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
