No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
