I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Bring me that man meat
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
