I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize