I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Screwed.edu
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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