I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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