Your face is a jimmy john
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
