Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
