home. puking in laundry basket.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
