maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
