Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
