Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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