There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
