We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize