After last night, I could never be a politician.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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