my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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