i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
