I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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