before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize