i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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