If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
