so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
