sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
