it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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