it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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