i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize