So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
