I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
