dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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