New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize