can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
