halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
