After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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