I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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