THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize