She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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