Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
