Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
