Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
