my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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