dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
