you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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