these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I pour the whiskey from now on
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
