thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
