..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize