Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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