Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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