I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Non-Jews are for practice
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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