My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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