i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
