Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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