I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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